An Itch in My Heart

Lately, I've been asking a lot of questions. You can probably tell by my last blog post. The main question was: "where do I belong?" Well, I don't know the answer to that quite yet, but I know that God will reveal it to me in time..His time.

Tonight, I saw two guys on a stage, doing what they loved; passionately following their dream. I almost cried several times. I love watching passionate people doing what they love. And they are amazing at it! It's so fulfilling. I'm not sure why, since I'm not doing what they are doing. But I love seeing it..witnessing it. Maybe because I can actually see that it isn't hopeless. There are people in the world doing what they love...and they are making it. And I want to support them in everything they do.

As the show went on, I felt something. My heart began to itch. I know God has a plan for me. I just don't know what it is yet. But I want to find it. I want to search, I want to grow, and I want to be where He wants me to be. Because I know that is the best place for me; and the place I should be.

As I said, I don't have the answers. But I will strive and yearn and search until I find them. I don't know where I'm supposed to be. But I will let God search my heart. I will pray for guidance. And most important of all, I will listen for the answer that will guide me into the place in which I so long to be.

This evening after I arrived home I took my dog outside for her to do her business one last time before bed. A song came to me. So there, in the dark of the night in my backyard, I sang the song that God seemed to place in my heart. I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure where it came from, but it was what was on my heart. In fact, my dog was quite concerned for me and was acting strange. I sing all the time and she never acted this way so it was weird for her..and me. The words were raw and real and only for the One who heard them. The melody will soon be forgotten because it was a one time God thing. A prayer in song.

God I don't know, but You do. God I am not sure, but I know You have it all in Your hands. God, my heart itches; please scratch it. Fulfill me. Only You can do this. Only you. Wherever I end up, I want it to be where You want me.

This blog post is quite random and it might not make any sense. I guess I will see in the morning when I look at it in confusion...