Breathe

Do you know the feeling of pure excitement? When you just want to do something...anything...but you can't? You want to sing and dance and scream and shout...just to be able to speak. You want to tell the whole world what is on your mind. It's the feeling that you are bursting at the seams. Something wants to come out of you, but you are silent.

Your heart won't stop pounding. You shake at times because what else can you do? Your mind is boggled. There are butterflies...in your stomach. But you don't want to call them butterflies. They seem like giant birds. You have to put major self control into place or else you might do something impulsive. You're happy...but you can't explain why; joyful really. But you're sad too, sad that you can't move.

All you can do is breathe. You breathe and you wonder how many more breaths you have left. Six-hundred? Or six-hundred million? Who do you want to spend the rest of those breaths with? Do you look forward to tomorrow? Does it thrill you? Does it scare you? Because...it's not that you want to be with somebody you could just live with...no...we do that with roommates...maybe even brothers or sisters. But you...what you really want is to be with somebody you can't live without.

Driving

I am sitting in the driver's seat of my vehicle, driving down a road that is long and seemingly never ending. I do not remember when I was not driving. I do not remember when I was not staring at the paved road in front of me. The scenery on the sides of me change every single day. Sometimes I see vast fields of nothing, other times I see towns or cities or just roads leading to different places. There have been times where I take exits to stop off and rest in a city, or to keep driving in different directions, but those times are few.

There have been times when I smell dead skunks on the side of the road and I smell them for miles at a time, unable to get rid of the perpetrating odor. There have also been times that I have been distracted by something on the side of the road and almost lose control of the car. Sometimes I turn up the music and sing loudly so that nothing can distract me from my task at hand: driving.

Sometimes I pretend that I am something that I am not. I sit in my seat and pretend I am driving a race car and concentrate really hard on my turns and my acceleration and sometimes I go faster than I really need to.

There are times when I am impatient with others around me and that are holding me up. I yell at the slow grandma driving ahead of me and ride her bumper until I can pass her up. There are other times when I don't feel like passing anyone and I stay behind the crowd, letting others pass me. I don't feel like going anywhere and my motivation and speed decrease dramatically.

There are times I miss my turn off and keep going on the road because I wasn't paying attention and I have no idea where I am. There are times I turn off too soon because I become too anxious about reaching my destination. I become lost for hours and I panic because I absolutely hate that feeling. But I only stop and ask for directions when I am desperate because I am too prideful to ask for help. I don't like feeling incapable.

Sometimes when the weather becomes hot and unbearable, I begin to have optical allusions. I think I see what is ahead but I don't. I am being tricked and lied to. This happens often because I am so gullible, even by my own mind. I think that something is going to happen that really isn't, or I see something or someone how I want to see them. I am tricked.

When I am driving for too long I become tired. I know I can't do this by myself. I need someone to take over. But sometimes I keep on driving. The Person who is in the passenger seat tried to help. He tells me to just pull over and He will drive. But I don't let Him. I say that I can do it on my own. I don't need His help. Sometimes I become so frustrated and stubborn that I make Him sit in the back seat so I can have control over everything.

I am selfish. I am prideful. I think I can do everything on my own. I don't trust the One who can help me. I need to have faith. I need Jesus. Please get in the driver's seat.