The Risk

I have been praying a lot lately, I’m not just saying that to say that to say that...or impress anyone, or convince people that God made the decisions I am making. I really have been praying because I really want God to be first in my life. I want Him to be the focus of my life and every choice I make to be made around Him. At first I was frustrated because I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was reading my Bible every single day and praying, but I was irritated because I still felt so far away. During Spring Break I was so confused as to what I was supposed to do. 

For the past couple months I’ve been in the process of giving myself back to God. He is so amazing and incredible and deserves to be praised. I am in awe of Him. How could He love someone such as me? How could He die for me and all of my sins? I can hardly comprehend it all. I've realized I’ve been taking things for granted lately. Every single day is a gift from God. I have been enjoying myself more because I’ve been appreciating the little things and the big things. I've realized how blessed I am. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about risks. I have always hated them. This is because I don't like to make mistakes or have regrets. But really, every single day is a risk right? Every day I have a chance of breathing my last. I never know what will happen. God has His own plan and I am NEVER in control. This is something I have to get used to. I have to trust Him. I think that is something that He wants me to learn. I have to have faith.

Living every day by just going through the motions isn’t cutting it anymore. I don’t know when I could die. I don’t know if I will even finish typing this. But I don’t think I should be wasting time anymore.I waste time so much. I am such a procrastinator. And I don’t like taking risks because I am always scared. Let me repeat. I am ALWAYS scared. But I shouldn’t be afraid. God has not given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, and of love, and a sound mind. With God I can do all things and if I trust in Him, there is no reason to be afraid anymore. I can now step out on my waves in this storm of a life that I am so afraid of and take a chance. I don't want to die wondering what would have happened if...